X-men Origins: Wolverine (2009) Review

Yeah it’s THAT X-men film, the one that did so much damage to the franchise that the entire origin’s series was scrapped.

Essentially origins is the back story of wolverine … you know the guy who’s back story that was already looked into in the first two X-men films (can’t have too much of a good thing right?) Lets be blunt, this was and still is the worst entry into the series by far! Actually making the Last Stand look half way decent.

It’s that kind of film where you think it couldn’t have been as bad as I remember?, only to confirm your worst fears, But I digress.

The opening scene sees a Young James and Victor in 19th century Canada, but soon things take a turn for the worst and Victor’s father kills James’s Father. The rage that young James is consumed with triggers the mutant gene as the tone is set for the entire film by a six year old boy with bone claws yelling Noooooooo! (What is it with X-men films and kids yelling no?)

So putting his new claws to use he kills Victors father, but whoops it turns out that it was his father all along, Now rejected by his mother the two boys agree to be murder buddies for life and run into the woods as an angry mob forms and chase them right into a montage spanning the civil war, world war I and then world war II (Wasted chance to sneak a captain America reference there).

Ultimately the two end up in front of a firing squad but live to tell the tale, which gains the attention of Striker who pretty much is an evil professor X here, assembling a squad with unique abilities to deploy in war zones and seeing as we are only ten minutes into the film the two agree to join him to further the plot.

There is a small slither of hope offered here as Ryan Reynolds steps up as Deadpool, the merc with a mouth. The most entertaining scenes are all provided by him and he is only utilized for about five minutes, declaring “You can come in now, people are dead” is the highlight within the entire film!

They complete their mission but then are ordered to slaughter a small village to which Victor is only too happy to do so, but James now known as Jimmy decides he no longer wants to be part of such things and leaves …. More years pass by (Six to be exact if you’re keeping track) and Jimmy needs another name change and goes by Logan now and is working as a logger.

Striker reappears and informs Logan that the old team is being hunted down one by one … but by whom! Logan shrugs this off and goes back to his girlfriend who proceeds to tell him he has the spirit of the wolverine, or something along those lines (I  may have stopped paying full attention around here).

As you would expect she’s done for from the moment she appears on screen, which leads to Logan yelling at the sky again as Logan goes on the search for Victor.

Fast forward a bunch of scenes and finally Logan volunteers to have the procedure of having adamantium bones, it’s time for another name change as he requests his new ID tags to say wolverine. But even underwater and wrapped in pain Wolverine overhears Striker order that his memory be erased which leads to wolverine sitting up and getting all shouty again, which must have given the weapon X employees reoccurring nightmares about being attacked by an angry naked man.

Wolverine still naked runs in to an old couple’s barn for shelter, how do the old couple address their naked trespasser you ask? Why they invite in him in and dress him in their deceased son’s old clothes of course and thus is the origin of wolverine’s jacket.

Fast forward even more and Wolverine and Victor are suddenly reunited as they fight a genetically modified Deadpool on top of a cooling tower (I don’t know why either) Deadpool with his mouth sewn shut, is easily defeated but that was hardly his fault as Striker was controlling him via a keyboard (<jump> <kick><lasereyes>). His severed head tumbles into the abyss, still shooting laser eyes, taking down the entire tower.

Wolverine picks up his wounded girlfriend (Oh she was alive the whole time by the way) before he gets shot in the face by Striker, therefore losing his memory entirely. Upon awaking we have cameos galore with Gambit, Cyclopes and Xavier all making an appearance as Wolverine asks what his name is (I’m not even sure what your name is at this point).

Post credits Striker is arrested but will somehow be promoted again by the time X2 rolls around. Finally Deadpool’s eyes open  ending the mess that was X-men origins.

This should have been a sure thing, but too many cameos, ridiculous plot and just plain bad decisions ruined this and ended up nearly dashing the fans hopes for any decent future releases. Hugh Jackman’s performance is fine here; he plays it as the James/Jimmy/Logan/Wolverine we all know and even went on record saying he wasn’t happy with the end result.

But thanks to Days of Future Past, this technically didn’t happen, so at least that’s something I guess.

Over all this was a disaster, when you main star expresses his dislike for the film then you know you have a problem.

So out of a possible five stars X-men origins: Wolverine earns its self:

This was a two star film based on Deadpools part, but then it lost a star based on Deadpools part

What did you think of X-men Origins:Wolverine?

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